


Nearly Lost You

by A_Mad_Kat



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: Friendship, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-15
Updated: 2010-08-15
Packaged: 2017-10-11 02:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/107471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Mad_Kat/pseuds/A_Mad_Kat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Nearly Lost You</p>
    </blockquote>





	Nearly Lost You

**Author's Note:**

> Nearly Lost You

Nearly Lost You

_The events described here take place between the episodes Forget Me Not and Sacrifice._

The cool night air brushed against Gabrielle's shoulder, making her shiver involuntarily. The weather had been unseasonably chilly of late. Storms blew down off of the mountains, unleashing unpredictable tempests in the neighboring valleys and dropping temperatures in their wake. Gabrielle's uneasiness finally woke her. She grabbed for her blanket, figuring that her companion had rolled over and pulled it from her yet again as was her habit. But when the bard's arm reached the spot where Xena should have been laying next to her, she touched an empty bedroll. Confused, Gabrielle sat up. The blanket lay in the space, rumpled. She quickly wrapped it around herself and laid a hand on the spot where Xena normally slept. It was no longer warm. Xena had been up for a while. Gabrielle looked towards what remained of their fire from the evening. Only coals remained. Xena was nowhere to be found in the immediate area. Gabrielle felt a gnawing at the pit of her stomach. It was an odd sensation. The bard had developed a good sense of physical danger, yet she did not detect a threat in the area. If someone had been in their perimeter who meant them harm, Xena would have long since taken care of it and returned to sleep, or at the very least woken Gabrielle. She knew her uneasy feeling had another source. She could not name it nor picture it clearly in her head, but she resolved to find Xena right away. Standing up with the blanket pulled tight over her lithe shoulders, Gabrielle began softly calling her companion's name as she circled their campsite. No answer. As Gabrielle passed Argo she gave the animal a reassuring pat. The mare seemed as nervous as Gabrielle and whickered softly, scratching the ground with a front hoof.

At length Gabrielle found Xena some distance from the campsite, perched on rocks that overlooked the valley below. The moonlight caught the warrior's shiny leather and highlighted her hair as it flicked in the soft breeze. If Xena was cold she showed no sign of it. She did not acknowledge Gabrielle's presence as the younger woman padded up behind her.

"Xena?" she offered.

"Hi, Gabrielle." Xena's voice sounded flat, devoid of inflection.

"Xena, it's cold out here. Come back to bed." Gabrielle sat next to her friend and wrapped her arm around Xena's shoulders, holding the blanket over her. Xena remained motionless. Gabrielle could have sworn Xena stiffened almost imperceptibly. _Maybe she was cold after all_, she told herself.

"I can't sleep," Xena replied, her voice even.

"Well, sitting out here on the open ledge in the wind isn't going to help that. Come back to bed and we can talk if you'd like."

"It's all right, Gabrielle. You go back. I'll be there in a while."

Gabrielle had learned to recognize this game long ago. "Xena, what's wrong?"

For the first time Xena turned to look at her friend. She opened her mouth as if to speak, then closed it again. The moonlight splashed a pale glow onto the warrior's face. She seemed to be looking through Gabrielle rather than at her. She hesitated a moment more before she finally answered, "It's nothing."

Gabrielle did not at all like the way Xena had looked at her. It made the disquieting feeling she had stronger. She began to fish, trying to guess at what haunted her friend. "I know this mission has been hard on us, after all that's been going on lately." Xena did not respond, so Gabrielle continued, somewhat self-consciously. "We will find these men. We'll stop Malodion from selling any more girls into slavery. He's had to slow down as he gets nearer to the coast since he has more captives to drag along. We'll catch him before he's able to load them onto a ship –"

"I know, Gabrielle, I know. We'll get him." Xena was staring out over the valley again.

Gabrielle could not abide the silence, so she kept talking. "Is it the ones we found on the road? The ones who were too resistant?" Earlier in their travels through the valley the pair had stumbled on the rejected slaves Malodion had left behind. He had become notorious for culling any woman who rebelled in his custody. Horribly butchered, a few of the women were still alive but all were beyond help. One woman's pain was so severe that she begged Xena to break her neck and end it. Before Xena had to make such a terrible choice, however, the woman finally died. Gabrielle had barely been able to stand the carnage, even after all she had seen in her travels with Xena. Some of the dead were girls no older than ten. "It really bothered me. I know you're not as sensitive to that sort of thing anymore, but it's all right if it hits you harder once in a while."

"No. It was terrible, but it just shows why we need to catch this bastard sooner rather than later. I'm not going to leave enough left of him to identify his remains, much less stand trial at the magistrate."

Gabrielle suppressed a shudder. She couldn't argue that Malodion didn't deserve it in this instance, but such open admissions of cold-bloodedness bothered her. It made Xena seem harder and more distant. The bard let her arm drop from Xena's back and collected the blanket back around herself. She had started shivering harder in the wind. "Xena, why are you miles away from me right now? Please. I just want to know what's wrong. I thought we were done with you holding back from me, after all these years."

"It's nothing."

"Don't give me that. It's the middle of the night and you're exhausted but you're out on a ledge in the cold staring at nothing."

"I –" Xena blinked hard and swallowed. She sighed. "I'm grieving, Gabrielle," she blurted suddenly. Her blue eyes looked otherworldly in the pale light.

"Grieving, what – for Solan?" Gabrielle asked gently.

"For many things." Xena rose to her feet. "Go back to bed, Gabrielle."

"What do you mean? Are you coming?"

"Yeah, in a little while." When they arrived back at camp, Xena busied herself with Argo. She watched Gabrielle lay back down by the coals out of the corner of her eye. When Gabrielle had settled back in and rolled the covers up over her arms, Xena watched her from across the clearing. She did not approach the bedrolls until Gabrielle finally called for her once more.

Xena sat down next to her friend and moved her weapons aside but did not try to sleep. She held herself up by a hand on her bent knee, staring into the darkness.

"Xena. I can't sleep if you're like this. Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" Xena's eyes flicked to Gabrielle and she started to speak, but she stopped herself, shaking her head and looking down. "You can tell me anything, you know that. You can trust me with anything."

Xena gave Gabrielle a peculiar look and the sick feeling in the bard's stomach worsened. Suddenly she knew exactly what was at issue. "You don't trust me. That's it, isn't it? This is about me."

Gabrielle prepared herself for Xena's vehement disagreement, but instead the warrior turned away. "Go to sleep, Gabrielle. We can talk in the morning when we've both had some rest."

"Why, so you can avoid the topic more easily? Xena, this is not acceptable. You can't expect that I am going to calmly drift off to sleep with me knowing you don't trust me, after all the time we've had together, after all we've been through! You're my best friend, Xena! You're all I've got! What do we have, if we don't have trust?" Gabrielle's voice rose and cracked as she became visibly upset.

"We've both been through a lot lately," Xena replied monotonically. "It's a difficult time for each of us. Let this lie for a while. It will be better then."

"Listen to you. You can't convince yourself of that, let alone me! Why? Why don't you trust me?" A note of anger crept into Gabrielle's voice. "After everything that's happened, everything I've given you, I cannot stand this constant doubt you show me. What do I have to do, Xena? What else do I have to lose before you stop punishing me, before you're finally satisfied?" Gabrielle hastily wiped the tears from her shining blue eyes.

Xena leaned up on her elbows and fixed Gabrielle with her empty gaze. "You've hurt me very badly, Gabrielle." Her tone was neither angry nor accusatory, but it was uncompromising. "You wanted honesty and now you have it. I'm hurting because of you."

"Xena, I told you I didn't ever mean to hurt you. I made some bad choices, but I was trying to do what I thought was right. I explained all of this! I know you've always had issues with trust but by the Gods, Xena, this is madness and I don't know what else I can possibly do to fix this."

"I know you said you didn't mean it, and I believe you, but you have hurt me, and I can't feel any other way about it. Don't think I haven't tried. When you came back from the temple of Mnemosyne, having chosen to live with your memories, I wanted to support you and choose to live with it myself. But I can't pretend that your actions have been anything other than painful to me. So here we are."

"What exactly do you want from me, Xena?" Gabrielle cried openly, and her words spat bitter resentment at her companion.

Xena knew exactly what she wanted, but she stared impassively at Gabrielle as before. _Two words, that's all. The only two words you haven't said._ Time ground by as the silence was broken intermittently by Gabrielle's barely-contained sobs. At last the warrior sighed and turned away. "There's nothing else to say."

"You can't – !" Gabrielle snuffed the rest of her sentence, knowing it was no use. A bone-deep weariness was the only reason Gabrielle drifted into a fitful sleep that night.

Gabrielle awoke to the early dawn rays streaming through the trees. She blinked the sleep from her eyes and saw Xena mounting Argo, her expression determined and cold. "Xena?" she asked groggily. "Are we going?"

"I'm going," Xena replied matter-of-factly. "You're going to go on ahead to that town we saw the sign for at the last crossroads."

"Pelasghia? But what about Malodion and the slaves?"

"I'll take care of them. I can ride hard and surprise them before they get to the coast. There's a cliffside where I can trap them. That's where I'll stop Malodion and rescue the women. You go to Pelasghia and stay at the inn there. You'll be safe until I come back from the battle. It might be a couple days, but we can resupply from the town markets afterwards."

"You're leaving me behind?" Gabrielle stumbled to her feet, a look of disbelief on her face. "You're going to do this mission without me? Xena, that's a lot of men to take on by yourself. I can help you! I want to rescue those women too!"  
"You're going to Pelasghia and that's the end of it. I'm doing this alone."

Gabrielle stalked over to Argo and grabbed the horse's reins. "I can't believe this, Xena. You don't even trust me enough to have me fight by your side. You're going to dump me off in a town like I'm still that useless little girl from Potedaia."

"I am not having this conversation with you right now, Gabrielle," Xena snapped. "I have to focus. I knew you would interfere with that focus, and I was right. Now let go of Argo and start for town before you run out of daylight. There are still too many of Malodion's men in these woods to chance moving at night." Gabrielle did not release Argo's reins. Xena glared at Gabrielle. "I am not asking."

Gabrielle let go of the reins and turned to strike camp. "You don't even care," she snorted just loudly enough for Xena to hear. She did not see Xena's eyes widen or her lips thin slightly. Without a word the warrior kicked Argo into a gallop and rode off to battle, leaving Gabrielle to collect their belongings alone. The bard forced back tears as she stuffed their camp supplies into her pack and rolled up their bedding.

_I can't believe it. She didn't have anything to say about it. She just let it go. How could this happen, Xena? How could we have fallen so far? I didn't mean it, any of it! I wish I could take it all back; the betrayal, the lies, all of it. I would give my life to see you with your son again. What is it you want? How can I ever get you to trust me again?_

Gabrielle made slow progress down the road to Pelasghia, leaning heavily on her staff. Although the night had been cold, the midday sun made the air sweltering. Once Gabrielle was out of the trees, there was nothing to shield her from it. She pressed on as best she could, desperate to outpace the thought that had been creeping into her mind like an obsession the entire day. _Maybe it's just gone for good. Maybe Xena will never trust me again. She's not a forgiving person. I know she's been able to let some people's past misdeeds go, but with me things are always different. I was too close to hurt her like that. What if she decides she'll never let me close enough to do it again?_ Gabrielle's mood quickly turned to anger as the sweat poured from her face and her staff pockmarked the dirt. _Well fine then! If you want to throw away three years, Xena, all the times we've shared, everything we meant to each other, then who am I to stop you? You want to walk away? Great. Don't expect me to follow after you this time._

The day was rapidly fading when Gabrielle finally made it to Pelasghia. What should have been a bustling marketplace, with vendors struggling to sell the last of their wares before sundown, was subdued and desolate. Merchants were closing shop early. Gabrielle noticed that of all of the people walking about in the street, no more than two or three were women, and all were older. _Malodion's murderous rampage has really taken a toll on these people,_ Gabrielle thought. _They're all afraid. Maybe he's already hit this town. Who knows how many residents have lost sisters, wives, daughters? This has to end. It's so wrong._ The bard stamped her boot into the ground in frustration. _But instead of helping to solve the problem, I'm here babysitting our pack, which we could have cached in any of a hundred hiding places. Because I'm not worthy. Because I can't be trusted._

"Miss?" A stranger's voice broke Gabrielle's reverie. The bard looked around, then finally down to find a stooped-over old man to her right. "Miss, I'm sorry to bother you, but I thought I should tell you that it's not safe to be out here alone after dark," he said kindly.

"Of course. I'm sorry, I was just trying to find some lodging. I'm not from around here."

"Well, I have a boarding house just a little way up the road. It's not as big as the town inn, but my rates are lower and you'd have more privacy. I lock all my doors when the night watch puts the street torches out. You'd be safe there, and I can promise you a hot dinner for your business."

"That sounds perfect. Thank you. I'm Gabrielle. I'll only need to stay a day or two." She began to follow the old man towards his home.

"Pleasure to meet you, Gabrielle. I'm Melesigines. It's two dinars a night, and three if you want breakfast. You can stay in my…in my granddaughter's room."

Gabrielle started to ask whether his granddaughter would mind, but stopped herself, sensing the hesitation with which he spoke those words. She decided not to ask Melesigines about his granddaughter, to avoid bringing up bad memories. _Malodion must have taken her. He did hit this town after all._

It was not long before Gabrielle was settling herself into Melesigines's converted farmhouse. As promised the old man and his wife shared their dinner with her, a hearty lamb stew. There were no other guests in the home that night. Gabrielle wondered if the family was having trouble making ends meet. Although Melesigines and his wife were friendly to her, the normally talkative bard did not feel much like conversation and only responded when spoken to during dinner. At last, the matriarch of the house's curiosity overcame her and she asked Gabrielle, "So what is a lovely young lady like you doing traveling unescorted around the countryside?"

_Xena._ In her mind's eye Gabrielle saw her companion charging off into battle without her; tearing through Malodion's men as though they were barely there, without her. Gabrielle knew if she mentioned the warrior's name there would be excitement and more questions. She made her story slightly less intriguing, not wanting to discuss anything pertaining to Xena or their travels. "I'm a bard," Gabrielle replied between bites of stew. "I heard there was a warlord running around here snatching young women and selling them into slavery. I came here to see what was going on. It sounds like all the makings of a tragedy."

Melesigines sighed. "You heard right. These are dark times in this valley. As I told you before, I recommend you don't go out after nightfall. I would hate to see anything bad happen to you, especially considering you're all alone."

"Yeah," Gabrielle sighed, "alone."

After dinner Gabrielle was escorted to her room. She shut the door behind her and spent a few minutes arranging her supplies before sitting down on the neatly-made straw bed. Although she was exhausted from her long day's walk, she found it difficult to get to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Xena riding away from her. "_I am not having this conversation with you, Gabrielle." No, of course not, Xena. Gods forbid we ever talk about anything until it's too late. I used to feel like you confided in me. But then there was Chin, and finding out about how much Lao Ma meant to you even though I'd never heard her name before. And when we were trying to deal with Hope, you were so stubborn I knew you wouldn't listen to me no matter what I said. I knew my daughter was evil. I couldn't deny it any more, after all the signs were there. But maybe if you had let me talk it out with you I wouldn't have felt like I had to go behind your back. Maybe Solan would still be alive._ Gabrielle kicked herself inside, even though no one was there to respond to her musings. _That's ridiculous. I can't blame Xena for her own son's death. It was my fault. The whole thing was my fault. No wonder she can't trust me anymore. I don't tell her the whole truth. Twice now I've told her that I didn't mean to hurt her when I betrayed her in Chin, but there was a part of me that did want her to hurt because she cared about someone else so much more than she did about me. I don't understand this anymore. I'm not even sure who I've become after all that's happened. I just wish I wasn't alone tonight._ At length Gabrielle's exhaustion caught up to her, and she finally passed out in a heap on the bed, but she slept uncomfortably until the roosters crowed the next morning.

The next day, the bard woke up late. Feeling useless and despondent, Gabrielle decided to do what she did best – talk. Normally she might have tried to sing a story in the village square and draw a crowd, but nearly all of her stories involved Xena, and that was the last thing she wanted to talk about. Instead, Gabrielle interviewed the villagers about the way life had changed in the valley since young women began disappearing. Fear was running rampant. At first, people in the streets were unwilling to talk to her, and vendors chased her away from their stands for harassing their customers. After a time, however, Gabrielle's natural affability brought people's guard down. She heard tales of tragedy and loss. She learned the names and relations of missing girls. Perhaps worst of all she heard from people who had the misfortune to actually find their loved ones, and the condition they were in. With each story Gabrielle grew angrier and more frustrated. _I belong in this battle. I should be stopping this madman so that no other family ever has to feel this pain! But here I am, left behind, useless as usual. _By the time the sun began to set, Gabrielle realized that in her distraction she had forgotten to eat. She knew the family she was staying with would feed her, but she had only paid for breakfast and Melesigines did not mention dinner as included in the fee. Instead Gabrielle's eye wandered to the large town inn, which also served as its tavern. Although she did not often drink, the prospect of strong ale after a hearty meal appealed to her.

Gabrielle watched darkness fall over Pelasghia. The town began to empty as people barricaded themselves back in their homes. She looked from the tavern to the end of the road where the family boarding house was, and back to the tavern. Gripping her staff resolutely she strode towards the tavern, ignoring the warning she had received about being out alone at night. _If I can't take care of anyone else, by the Gods I can take care of myself at least._

The blond woman threw the door to the tavern open. Everyone turned to stare at her. She was the only female in the main area who wasn't a server. Shrugging it off, Gabrielle plopped down at a table in the corner and pulled out a few dinars. It wasn't long before normal conversation resumed and her dinner order had been placed. Gabrielle took note of her surroundings carefully. The tavern was much livelier than the marketplace had been. Most of the patrons were young and rowdy. Before her meal had even been served, a fight broke out over a wager in a dice game. Gabrielle was tempted to intervene, but as she started to grab her staff she saw a burly employee grab each combatant by the collar. It wasn't long before they were thrown out onto the street unceremoniously. When Gabrielle had resettled herself, she saw that her dinner was arriving. The server placed her dinner on the table, and as the young woman moved away Gabrielle was surprised by a young man following immediately behind. The man sat down across from Gabrielle without asking.

"Can I help you?" the bard asked as she started to eat. The stranger did not seem threatening, but she would have preferred not to deal with company this night.

"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I'm Cassius. It just didn't seem right that a beautiful young lady like yourself should eat dinner alone. May I offer to treat you?"

"I've already paid," Gabrielle replied with her mouth half full, barely looking up from her food.

"How about a drink, then? The ale here is known for its strong taste. Or would you prefer wine instead?"

Gabrielle started to reject the stranger's offer, but she gave it a second thought. Cassius was being polite, but not servile. On the contrary, he seemed to exude a certain cockiness. She looked at him carefully for the first time. He had dark, curly hair that fell sloppily around his face. His face was clean-shaven and his skin was a medium olive tone. He seemed to be well groomed, in contrast to some of the other tavern guests. He could not have been much older than twenty. His light brown eyes seemed to tease and challenge her at the same time.

"All right," Gabrielle replied slowly. "I would like some ale, please." _Why shouldn't I let an attractive guy buy me a couple drinks? A little companionship might be nice after all. He doesn't seem to be pushing his luck…yet._

"Just a moment. I can't buy you anything until I at least know your name."

"I'm Gabrielle."

"Gabrielle. That's not a common name, which is fitting since you're not a common girl." Cassius got the server's attention and requested two ales. Gabrielle got the impression that the serving woman knew Cassius – their manner was very familiar. He was probably a regular at the tavern, a local. "It's very unusual to see someone like you wander around here unaccompanied these days. It isn't safe, you know. Don't you have a traveling companion with you?"

"No, I don't," Gabrielle replied, her voice tight. She restrained herself from giving away too much, but some anguish escaped nonetheless.

Cassius quickly lowered his eyes. "I apologize. I didn't mean to bring up a sore subject. If you want, I can leave you in peace, but the drink is still on me."

"No, it's all right." Gabrielle was surprised at her eagerness to have Cassius stay. "I don't actually want to be by myself. I've spent all day talking to people. I don't see why talking to one more would do any harm."

Cassius smiled easily. "Now see, I could tell you were a friendly girl. What were you talking to people around here for? They don't have anything interesting to say."

"I wanted to know about Malodion and the missing girls. I'm a bard and –" Gabrielle was cut off midsentence by the arrival of her ale. She washed down her dinner with a long swig. "As I was saying, I'm a bard, and I wanted to be able to tell the tale of what happened here. People should hear about the suffering in this valley. I'm hoping that soon the story will have a happy ending, though. Malodion won't get away with his crimes much longer."

"What makes you say that? He seems pretty strong. No one's been able to beat him yet."

"Yesterday a warrior rode out alone to meet him and his army. The warrior has vowed to bring down justice on his head."

Cassius let out a whistle. "I would say that he's headed straight to Tartarus then, but a warrior like that, brave enough to take on a gang like that alone, must be incredible or he'd be dead already."

"I don't actually want to talk much about it. Let the warrior do the job without tempting fate, if you know what I mean."

"Of course. Besides, what I'd really like to know more about is you. Where are you from? How did you end up here? I see that you've finished your ale already. Can I get you another one? Reedia, two more over here please!"

As the evening wore on Gabrielle found herself talking easily with Cassius. He bantered back and forth with her from time to time, but mostly he seemed to listen. He also kept her mug of ale full without being asked. Gabrielle told Cassius stories about her travels, about being a bard, and about her childhood on her family's farm in Potedaia. He seemed genuinely interested, which Gabrielle found ironic in light of what she wasn't telling him. Absent from their conversation was any mention of Xena, or Gabrielle being an Amazon Queen, or her warrior skills. She mentioned nothing of the tragedies she had endured in the last year. She did not have to talk about the loss of her blood innocence in Brittania, or her rape at the hands of Dahak's spirit, or her daughter Hope. She did not speak of her betrayal of Xena in Chin or the deaths of both of their children. For one night, Gabrielle sought to put all these things from her mind as she conversed freely with a friendly and handsome stranger. It occurred to Gabrielle at one point that she was drinking more than she normally did. Xena usually cut her off before she was too far gone, the warrior having a good sense for such things. When Cassius asked the server to refill her drink again, she left it full in front of her. She was already starting to feel the heady brew create a fuzz in her head. Instead of feeling drunk, however, she felt strangely excited. Some part of her knew she was being irresponsible, risking intoxication in a strange town by herself. For some reason, Cassius's presence and affable nature comforted her.

At one point Gabrielle saw several men armed with spears and pikes come in the tavern and sit in front of the barkeep eagerly. "Who's that?" she asked Cassius, her speech just shy of slurring.

"Oh, that's the night watch. They've put out the torches on the street."

Gabrielle's eyes widened. "Is it that late already? Son of a Bacchae, I should have gotten back to the lodging house by now."

Cassius rose suddenly. "I could escort you there," he offered, a strange look in his eye. "On the other hand…"

"What?"

"Gabrielle, I have to confess that I'm quite taken with you. You're fascinating and you've got the beauty of a nymph. Would you consider staying here with me tonight?"

Gabrielle stood and trailed her fingers along her staff. She was considering.

As soon as Gabrielle shut the door of the small room behind her Cassius was all over her. Her staff clacked to the ground as her hands braced against the young man's chest. His dark ringlets tickled her cheek as he kissed all over her face, aggressive but not abusive. Instinctively she began to push him away, but after she had put space between their bodies she stopped. _What did I think was going to happen, coming back here? Why would I have agreed unless this was what I wanted?_ Cassius had brought her back into the rear section of the inn, where for the first time she saw other young women who were not servers. She realized that, as was often the case, the inn doubled as a bordello. The other women milling about the hallway and pulling men into rooms here and there were working. Cassius had brought her into a room designed for such purposes. It occurred to her then that, judging from how familiar he was with the staff and the building, Cassius came here often. All of these conclusions led her to where she now found herself, pinned against the door with a handsome stranger running his hands over her well-muscled stomach and sides.

He hesitated when he felt her resist. He frowned down into her blue eyes. "Is something wrong?"

Gabrielle paused, weighing her options. _You know, maybe I need this. After everything that's happened to me I've felt so alone, so hollow inside. Just when I needed affection and support, more than ever, the one person in the world most dear to me shut me out and pushed me away. Not that Xena doesn't have her reasons, but I can't bear to feel so separated and cut off from everyone around me. This once, this night, someone is devoting his full attention to me. I'm going to be taken care of. I'm going to be held. The price on my end isn't so high. What have I got to lose?_

"No, nothing is wrong," Gabrielle answered him, locking her eyes with his. Her hand slid down to the bolt on the door and locked it.

Cassius smiled his easy smile. "Good, I didn't think so." He seized Gabrielle with renewed vigor. As he pulled her away from the door, he began to undo Gabrielle's top, his fingers expertly loosening the tether. He buried his face in her strawberry-blonde hair and bit her neck. Gabrielle gasped. She stumbled backwards and sat roughly onto the cot in the room. Cassius sat next to her and kissed her deeply. He finished opening the front of Gabrielle's top and slid his hand inside, handling her roughly. It almost hurt, but Gabrielle found that she liked it and wrapped an arm around his waist. Cassius lifted her onto his lap and started hiking up her skirt. As he pressed her against him eagerly, she felt him grow hard through his tunic. It was at that moment that the reality of the situation hit her. Her thoughts cut through the fog of the ale and she suddenly felt all too sober. _This isn't about affection. I'm in a dim back room with some guy I just met squeezing my breasts and trying to rut on me. He doesn't care for me. He doesn't even know me, and I don't know him! This won't make anything better. It won't stop my pain. It will only be another instance of poor judgment, and I've had enough of those lately._

Gabrielle abruptly pulled away and wrapped the green fabric of her top over her chest. She stood up and looked down at Cassius, who wore a puzzled expression on his face.

"What's the matter? Was I too rough? I'm sorry, I was just excited."

"No, Cassius, it's not your fault." Gabrielle sighed as she laced herself up and adjusted her skirt. "The truth is, I don't do this. I don't run off with someone I just met. I'm not that kind of woman."

"What are you trying to say, Gabrielle?" Cassius's voice was calm, but there was an edge to his tone.

"I'm trying to say that I've never done anything like this before, and I'm not about to start. I wasn't thinking clearly. I made a bad choice. I'm sorry to disappoint you, Cassius. You didn't do anything wrong. I need to leave."

"You can't leave. We're not through here."

Gabrielle began to get annoyed with Cassius. "I just told you that we are."

"After getting this far?" Cassius grabbed Gabrielle's hand and forced it down onto his lap. "Do you know what this feels like? You expect me to go without relief?"

Gabrielle yanked her hand away and took a couple of steps backward, on her guard now. "I'm not for hire, Cassius, and I don't owe you anything."

"After all the drinks I bought for you? I spent a pocketful of dinars on you and now you're not going to give me what I want? You're a damned cocktease, Gabrielle. That's what you are."

"That may be the case, but this cocktease is going to bed, away from here."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Gabrielle." Cassius's tone became low and vaguely threatening. "I wouldn't leave here until you give me what I need. It's not a good thing to be a cocktease in this town."

Thoroughly angry, Gabrielle grabbed her staff. "Are you trying to scare me? I've got some news for you, Cassius. I'm more than just a bard. I'm an Amazon, an Amazon warrior, and I've taken guys like you out five at a time. Even with a little bit of drink in my system you're no match for me. So you'll stay where you are and keep your hands to yourself if you know what's good for you."

Cassius made no move to rise from the bed. He took a deep breath and leaned his head back. "If you leave now, Gabrielle, you're going to be very sorry."

"I'm already sorry, sorry I let a bastard like you put his hands on me," Gabrielle spat back. She threw open the bolt, slammed the door open, and walked out without so much as a glance over her shoulder.

Cassius stared after her with narrowed eyes. "I warned you."

Gabrielle sat in her corner of the tavern, fuming, her back to the wall. She was not sure whether she was angrier with Cassius or with herself. She had been scanning the crowd periodically for any sign of trouble, but no one had so much as said a word to her since she emerged from the bordello area of the inn. Now much later at night, the tavern was beginning to clear out. When he saw that she was no longer ordering any drinks, the barkeep motioned for Gabrielle to leave. Gabrielle nodded and collected her staff, heading out the front door without incident. She had not noticed any of the night watch at the bar as she left. _Maybe they all got drunk and went to the bordello_. The night sky was cloudy, obscuring the light from the moon as Gabrielle tried to find her way back to Melesigines's farm house. Suddenly she remembered what the old man had said to her the previous night – he always locked all the doors after the torches were put out. Gabrielle would have to pound on the door and make a racket to be let inside. _Oh, that poor old man. How could I be so inconsiderate? It'll scare them to death, being woken up this late._ As she approached the farmhouse Gabrielle slowed down. She wondered if there was any other way she could get in, besides making a scene. As she stood on the path considering her options, she began to feel nervous. Shadows moved all over the landscape as the clouds drifted and changed the patterns of the moonlight. It wasn't long before she was certain she was no longer alone.

"Who's there? Show yourselves!" Gabrielle went into a battle stance, staff at the ready. She was grateful she had kept it by her side the whole time. She turned back towards the village only to see five men with spears approaching her. She frowned, hesitating. "Aren't you the town's night watch? I saw you in the tavern."

The lead man stopped. "That's right. We're the watchmen. You look like you're a bit lost. Find yourself somewhere you don't belong?"

It was impossible for Gabrielle to read his expression in the darkness. She pulled up her staff and walked closer. "No, no, I'm paying to stay here. But the door's locked because it's so late."

"That's not what we hear. We hear you don't pay, that you don't meet your obligations. You seem to have 'stiffed' our friend Cassius, for example."

Immediately Gabrielle knew she was in trouble. She gripped her staff tighter. "Since when do the town watchmen take orders from a punk in a tavern?"

"When he's the headman's oldest son, and the money's right," one of the other men answered. "Besides, it's our pleasure to put a little tease in her place. Right, boys?" The others grunted their assent.

"So what exactly do you plan to do to me?" Gabrielle asked, buying time as she planned escape routes. The village and the area surrounding it was too open, but beyond the farm fields there were thick woods Gabrielle could disappear into, if she was fast enough.

"No more than you deserve. If you come quietly, you don't have to get hurt. Best get used to being compliant, anyway. I take it you've heard what Malodion does to the spirited ones."

Gabrielle's eyes widened in shock. "You'd sell me to Malodion?"

"Don't look so surprised, girlie. Why do you think there are so many women missing in this town? Some were taken, sure, but the rest earned it with their mouths or their disobedience."

"Do the townsfolk know about this?"

"Not all of them. Only the ones that pay to have it done." The men began to advance on Gabrielle. "Now put the little stick down and we'll make this easy."

"I don't think so." Gabrielle whirled on her heels and sprinted into the fields, the tall grass obscuring her silhouette in the dim light. She did not look back as she ran as hard as she could, heart pounding. The edge of the woods was still a long way off, and it carried its own set of dangers at night, but Gabrielle did not want to be outnumbered five to one in the open. At least in the forest she would find it easier to hide, using the skills she had learned from Xena and the Amazons. She could take the men out one by one if she needed to. In the morning she would expose their treachery against the townsfolk, but only if she could survive that long.

Without warning Gabrielle slammed into the ground face first. A drainage ditch between the fields had caught her by the toe, and she was still inebriated enough to have reacted a moment too slow. She struggled to catch her breath. As she rolled over she saw one of the watchmen bearing down on her. Before either of them had time to think Gabrielle thrust the butt of her staff up at an angle to the ground. The pursuer slammed into it, the force of the impact taking his wind as well. Gabrielle pulled herself to her feet. She was not injured, but the watchmen had quickly closed the distance and were trying to circle her. In the crops it was hard for her to see where her attackers were. _This is serious. I can't let the other four surround me. They all have spears. They could take me out easily if I get trapped._ Gabrielle started to run towards the treeline again only to find her path blocked suddenly by the leader. He swung out with his spear, just missing Gabrielle's midriff. Gabrielle blocked his next move and swept a foot out from under him, toppling him into the muddy ditch. She was in full survival mode and knew she could not afford to pull any punches. With all her strength she brought her staff down on the man's exposed knee. She heard the crack and the scream. That was one less person to chase her.

Gabrielle broke off at a right angle, trying to lose the other pursuers in the confusion. They seemed unfazed by their companion's injury, however, and it was not long before they boxed her in, just shy of the edge of the woods she had been trying desperately to reach.

"Now you've done it, bitch," one of the men growled. "We weren't going to rough you up, since we could get a better price for you that way. But our man there may never walk again. You're going to pay dearly for that." Three men advanced on her from all sides, as the man whose wind she had knocked out caught up to the fight, breathing hard but not otherwise hurt. The one in front of her thrust his spearpoint low and caught Gabrielle in the side of her thigh. It was a minor wound, but blood ran quickly down her leg.

_This is exactly what I couldn't let happen. They have me right where they want me, and now they are fighting to kill. I won't give up. I WILL get out of this. I'm not going to be the helpless sidekick this time._ Gabrielle feinted at her opponent's face, causing him to back off, then whirled and slammed her staff into the temple of the man on her right flank. He fell like a stone and did not move. _Then there were three._

Seeing that their prey was more skilled than they had been prepared for, the remaining three watchmen closed in and attacked all at once, hoping to overwhelm her with their numbers. Gabrielle parried two of the spearthrusts but felt the third start to sink into her ribs. Instinctively she twisted away, but the sharp point opened a gash under her left arm that was much more painful than the one on her leg. The man she had turned towards locked body-to-body with her, trying to force his spear down on her staff. She shoved him back, despite his superior size. When he disengaged roughly, the end of his spear skipped off Gabrielle's staff and sliced her cheek, barely missing her eye. Gabrielle fought back panic, knowing that her only chance was to stay focused. She spun away from him only to confront the man who had been behind her. He swung out at her wildly while she was still surprised and caught her heavily on the edge of her eyebrow. The skin just back from the hairline split wide open and Gabrielle crashed to the ground. By sheer force of will she fought against the darkness creeping in at the edges of her vision. The man was bringing his spearpoint down towards her abdomen. With an adrenaline-fueled burst Gabrielle rolled to the side, cutting off the man to her left at the knees. Unfortunately for Gabrielle he fell on top of her, momentarily pinning her. In desperation Gabrielle instinctively screamed for the one person she depended on so often to get her out of these particular situations. "XEEEEENA!"

The attacker who had Gabrielle pinned under his weight tumbled backward in shock at the ear-splitting cry. Gabrielle shot to her feet but her vision flashed bright white as she did so. "Xena, help me!" she screamed again, but she was still fighting, now lashing out wildly in every direction in one last desperate gambit to get away. The truth was that Xena was not coming. She was far away, fighting Malodion on her own. Gabrielle's heart sank as she realized in her panic that Xena might have run into trouble just as bad as she had found with no one to back her up. Even as she struggled to stay on her feet Gabrielle's ironic side chided her. _This is why you shouldn't fight alone! When I see Xena again I'll make sure and tell her that._ The thought of seeing Xena gave Gabrielle a final burst of strength. She would not allow herself to be brought down by common village thugs. She would never allow anything to come between her and Xena again. The results of their current separation were bad enough. Gabrielle threw all her weight into a parry of one attacker trying to bring his spear down onto her head. She drove his own weapon back into his chin, knocking him out cold. As she brought her staff back towards her body in a defensive position, she sensed another attacker coming up behind her and shoved the butt of her staff straight back. It caught her assailant on the arm hard, dislocating his shoulder. He cried out and fell to his knees, dropping his weapon in the process. The last man standing happened to be the one Gabrielle had winded at the beginning of the fight. He hung back throughout the second encounter and had finally realized that one of his lungs was partly collapsed. Gabrielle half-ran, half stumbled away from him. Himself gasping for breath, he was unable to follow.

In moments Gabrielle reached the treeline and disappeared into the woods. The combination of blood loss, drunkenness, and her serious head injury made the bard unsteady on her feet. Still, she drove herself on, unwilling to give up on her escape after she had fought so hard. _I have to get away. Just a little farther and they won't find me in the brush._ But Gabrielle had nothing left. She saw everything in double and finally collapsed against a tree. "Xena, please help me," she murmured to herself, almost as a reflex. "Xena…" Gabrielle was seized by nausea and rolled onto her hands and knees. In the exposed roots of the old tree Gabrielle threw up everything she had eaten and drunk that night, then dry-heaved twice more before rolling away and lying on her side. The vomiting caused the wound under her arm to sear with pain. She felt as if she couldn't breathe. Her vision grew fuzzy and washed out despite the lack of light. "Xena, I'm sorry." Gabrielle's head dropped to the ground and she passed out cold.

Gabrielle awoke slowly, but even in her dazed state she recognized that it was much brighter outside than it had been when she lost consciousness. It was too bright, in fact, for her to open her eyes much wider than slits due to her splitting headache. It did not take the bard long to realize that what she saw through her squinted eyes was the ground moving beneath her. Gabrielle was being carried. In momentary terror she felt a scream rising from her lungs. She had instantly assumed she had been captured by the night watch after all and was being taken to Malodion. Her scream came out more as a strangled whimper than anything else. She spat the residual taste of vomit out of her mouth and forced herself to calm down. Gabrielle closed her eyes again. She assessed the situation as rationally as she could. She was being carried far too gingerly for a kidnapping, despite being slung over someone's shoulder. She realized her worst wounds had been loosely wrapped. Without opening her eyes Gabrielle ran her hands along her captor's back and felt familiar armor. She winced as she nicked a finger on something sharp and round at the person's waist – a chakram.

"Xena," she whispered, relief flooding her battered body. She opened her eyes and saw that the ground was no longer moving beneath her.

"Gabrielle, you're awake."

"Yeah, I…I'm fine, Xena, it's not bad," Gabrielle reassured the warrior. Although she hardly felt fine, Gabrielle knew that with proper care none of her injuries threatened her life or her long-term health. She did not want her friend to worry unnecessarily.

"I know, Gabrielle. You're going to be all right. I need to get you back to camp so that I can get you patched up." Xena resumed walking again, more slowly this time. Although Xena's tone was even and superficially calm, Gabrielle could hear the tension in her voice when she spoke. _Is it possible she's still angry with me? Is she upset I got myself in a jam while she was on the mission?_

"Camp?" Gabrielle asked cautiously.

"Yes, I set up a camp. Argo's waiting there. Don't try to talk too much. I know it's your favorite pastime, but save your strength."

Gabrielle smiled at her friend's attempt at humor, but when she heard how haltingly the joke had come out she knew instantly why Xena sounded so strange. _By the Gods she's taking it all on herself again, as badly as if she'd been the one to bash me over the head. She's not furious with me. She's furious with herself._ Gabrielle wanted to assuage the warrior's guilt, but the pounding in her skull made carrying on a conversation a tough proposition. She decided to heed Xena's advice and keep silent.

It was not long before they reached a clearing in the woods where the sun streaked down between the leaves of the trees. Argo whinnied in welcome but seemed agitated. Xena knew her extremely intelligent horse could sense the condition her mistresses were in. After laying Gabrielle down gently on a brush-free spot, Xena went over and patted her horse, speaking as soothingly as she could given how worried she was. She rummaged in her saddlebags for the medical supplies she always carried there. She cursed herself inwardly when she saw how few clean bandages remained. _If only I hadn't had to use so many of these earlier. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy. Riding off half-cocked and distracted like I did, what did I expect? It would be one thing if it were just me, but now Gabrielle is paying for my stupidity._

Xena knelt by her friend's side and unwound the bandage she had quickly tied around Gabrielle's head. She poured some water onto a rag. Methodically she began to clean the grime and dried blood off of Gabrielle's face. Although her manner was all business, Gabrielle could see the concern deep in her friend's blue eyes. The bard was grateful for the coolness of the cloth and the gentleness of the touch behind it. "Tell me about how you passed out. Were you knocked out straight away or did it come over you later? What were you hit with? Do you remember throwing up?"

"It's all a little fuzzy," Gabrielle started, but seeing Xena's lips tighten at that response she forced herself to remember. "It was the blunt end of a spear. Guy caught me as I was turning around. It's like we were both surprised at what happened. It knocked me down, but I didn't black out yet. I had to keep fighting. I had to get away…" The memory of her fear in that moment made Gabrielle trail off. She felt her throat tighten.

"Shhh. It's all right," Xena whispered as she brushed Gabrielle's hair away from her face softly. She directed a critical eye towards the gash on Gabrielle's head. It was deep.

"No, I remember the rest. I did get away, but then when I got into the woods where I had some cover everything started to go white on me. Throwing up is the last thing I remember."

"How bad does your head hurt now?"

"It's pretty bad," Gabrielle confessed.

Xena sighed. "I'm going to have to make it a little bit worse, just for a moment. This isn't going to feel good, but try to keep your eyes open if you can." Xena took her chakram from its usual spot at her waist and, holding Gabrielle's left eye open, she used it to shine the sun directly at Gabrielle's face.

"Ow!" the bard squeaked, but she tried her best to cooperate when Xena repeated the process with her right eye. As soon as Xena let her go, Gabrielle snapped her eyes shut and rubbed them. Her headache was worse than it had been before. She opened her eyes again when she felt Xena's hand on her chin, tipping her face up. The warrior was staring directly at her.

Xena held Gabrielle's gaze for a long moment before she finally dropped her chin. "You're fine," Xena said at last, relief evident in her voice. "You're not going to like the way your head feels for about a week, but there shouldn't be any lasting damage. If you start getting nauseous again, I need to know about it." Xena stood up and walked back towards Argo for her fire-starter flint.

For the first time since their reunion Gabrielle got the chance to look Xena over carefully and was shocked by what she saw. She noticed at last the hastily-tied bandages that Xena wore in several places. _I can't be sure but it looks like she's favoring that left arm a little. Did she sprain her elbow or shoulder? She's got more scratches and scrapes on her than I do!_ "Xena, you're hurt too!"

"Nothing serious," Xena muttered, not meeting Gabrielle's eyes. She quickly gathered some brush and started a small fire. "I'm going to have to stitch those wounds up, but it can wait until you've rested for a while. I have to sterilize the needle first anyhow. It's been used recently." Gabrielle could have sworn Xena was embarrassed by her last statement.

"Are you sure? I want to know you've taken care of yourself first. You were just in a battle."

"So were you." Xena returned to Gabrielle's side and propped the bard up on her knee. She resumed running the damp rag over Gabrielle's cheek around the spot where the spear point had cut her, then down her jawline and her throat. When she laid Gabrielle's head to the side to get under her hair, the blonde winced. "What is it?"

"This is going to sound stupid, but it sort of hurts to turn my head."

"It's not stupid. Sit up and put your head forward."

With some effort Gabrielle sat up and let her chin fall to her chest. Xena moved around behind her and gripped the back of her neck firmly in both hands. As Xena worked it reminded Gabrielle of when she had been captured by Lord Sinteres not long after they had started adventuring together. Sinteres had threatened to kill Gabrielle by triggering pressure points on her temples, and Xena had fixed the headache that resulted in more or less the same way. _I was such a liability back then. More eager than useful. How much has really changed these past few years?_ Gabrielle heard a soft crunch that she assumed came from her neck and was breathless for an instant. "NOW I feel sick," Gabrielle groaned.

Xena gathered Gabrielle up and laid the blonde head back against her chest. "I know. It'll get better. Breathe." The bard took a moment to collect herself, then cautiously turned her head left and right. "Better?"

"Yeah, much better. My head doesn't hurt quite as bad either."

"Good. Stay sitting up for a while and don't move your head too much even though it doesn't hurt." Xena got up and pushed a fallen log behind Gabrielle's back so she could lean against it. The warrior resumed poking up the fire, arranging some sticks so that she could boil water in a small clay vessel she had brought.

"So what happened with Malodion? Did you stop him?"

"He's stopped all right," Xena replied in that tone that let Gabrielle know exactly what had happened to the slave trader. "He had even more men than I had thought going in. It wasn't easy keeping the women safe during the battle. A few of them were hurt, but nothing serious. After it was over I made sure they got back to the port town so they could begin their journeys home. Then I rode out."

"You left right after the battle? But Xena, you were wounded. Why did you push yourself so hard to get to Pelasghia?"

"To be honest," Xena sighed, "a part of me just knew that I had to get back as soon as I could. I can't explain it. Something felt wrong." Xena gave Gabrielle a long, hard look. Suddenly she stood up and approached her companion quickly. "I never should have left you alone. I'm so sorry Gab – "

"Xena, stop." Gabrielle held up a hand to silence her friend and the warrior, surprised, stopped dead in her tracks. Xena sat on the ground in front of where her friend was propped. "Listen. You may have forgotten what happened the day you rode out, but I haven't."

Xena nodded numbly and lowered her eyes. _Well, I can understand that she's going to be angry with me. She might as well say all the things I've been saying to myself anyway. It's not like I don't deserve them._

"You're right that you shouldn't have left me alone, but not for the reason you think. Xena, when you didn't bring me on the mission to stop Malodion it crushed me. Don't you understand? I belong next to you, to fight by your side. Look, to be honest, I got myself into trouble in Pelasghia. I made some bad decisions…"

"It's not important, so long as you're safe now. I don't care how it happened."

"No, Xena, don't interrupt me. We have to talk about this."

"If I'd have brought you along against Malodion it only would have put us both in danger," Xena snapped. Although she was remorseful about everything that had happened in the past few days, feeling like she had to justify her decisions put her on the defensive.

"It put us both in danger being apart! Xena, all I could think about while I was in Pelasghia was how I should be helping you to beat Malodion and save those women. I got distracted and made mistakes because of it. Now, tell me that everything in your battle went as planned."

Xena cocked an eyebrow and smiled wryly. "Remember how I'm always telling you the first and only rule is to stay focused? I wasn't exactly a model of that."

"No offense, Xena, but it shows. I have almost as much reason to be taking care of you right now as you are of me! What happened to your left arm?"

"Elbow got bent the wrong way on a parry," Xena explained almost shyly.

"And why are you so careful when you stand up and kneel? I've noticed that too."

Xena looked away for a moment, hesitant, then turned around. Gabrielle could see that just below the wrought armor, to the left of the spine, there was a hole in the warrior's leather about the size of a sword point.

"By the Gods, Xena, in the back?" Gabrielle gasped. "And you carried me all the way here over your shoulder with a wound like that?"

"It's a flesh wound, that's all."

"Maybe so, but I know it must hurt like Hades."

"I told you, I lacked focus and I paid the price. But none of that matters now. The needles are probably boiled sterile. I'm going to start stitching you up."

"No. Not yet. Just wait." Xena looked at her friend questioningly, but remained in place. "You rode off without me because you didn't trust me. In a way you still don't, though you'd never admit it right now because I got hurt. You don't trust me completely. And it's my fault. I haven't been acting as a friend should for a long time now." Xena began to protest, but Gabrielle glared at her until she was still again. "Don't argue with me. I know how it goes. Every time something happens to me, you feel guilty and you blame yourself for everything, even things that were never your fault. I took advantage of that so that I never really had to face up to all the things I had done to you. I'm the one that broke your trust, but I was too busy making excuses for myself to set things right again. So you see, everything that happened here was because of me and my poor judgment, not you. If I had taken care of this earlier, you wouldn't mistrust me so much now." Gabrielle swallowed hard. "I'm so sorry, Xena. I messed it all up. I demanded that you trust me again, insisted that you bury the pain I'd caused you, but offered you no reason to do so." The bard looked up at the warrior with pleading eyes. "I'm sorry. I wish I could take it all back, but I can't. This is all I can do."

Xena looked as if she was about to speak, but thought better of it and simply nodded, her expression blank. The warrior rose and retrieved the needle and thread from the boiling water, allowing them to cool before sitting next to Gabrielle and positioning her head in the crook of her left arm. "This might sting," Xena warned.

Gabrielle nodded. She'd had enough stitches to know that they weren't any fun, but they could be tolerated well enough with experience. Still, her scalp was a bad place to need stitches, especially when she felt the needle pierce the badly bruised flesh around the gash. Gabrielle couldn't help but wince occasionally, and once or twice she fought back a cry.

Fortunately for her Xena worked quickly and expertly. When she had tied off the last stitch she said, "I should get the one on your side next," but without much conviction. Instead she stared down at the gash she had just closed. Cradling Gabrielle's head in her arm she pressed her lips gently to it. Then she did the same on the bard's forehead.

"It's all right," Gabrielle whispered. Without hesitation she ducked out from under Xena's arm and before the warrior could protest Gabrielle pulled her close and laid Xena's head on her chest. Though her muscles rebelled at the strain Gabrielle did not release her hold until she felt Xena exhale and lean in. Xena closed her eyes as Gabrielle ran her fingers through dark tangles of hair, smoothing them back as she stroked her friend's face. Xena wrapped her arms around Gabrielle's waist but allowed the deceptively strong bard to support most of her weight.

"I love you so much, Gabrielle," she breathed.

"It's all right."

"You're my best friend. I love you."

"I know. I know, and I never question that. Anything I ever said to make you think I question that, it was wrong. I love you too. But it's not enough to say it. After all that's happened I need to show you that I do. I don't know how I can, but I will find a way to show you that." Gabrielle buried her nose in her friend's hair and held her tightly. She knew that however strong a front Xena was putting up, the older woman was vulnerable just then. _She's earned the right not to have all the answers all the time._ "Come on. I know you're tired." Gabrielle spoke softly in the warrior's ear. "Let it go. Just rest here a while with me. The fighting's done for today." Xena was normally coiled like a cat ready to pounce. Gabrielle's coaxing eventually convinced her friend to go limp and be cared for. Xena nearly drifted off once or twice as Gabrielle ran her free hand over her companion's head and shoulders. Finally the bard broke the silence. "Promise you won't leave me again, all right? It's no good, on our own."

"I promise," Xena murmured in response.

Gabrielle looked up through the leafy branches covering their clearing, thoughtful. Her headache had faded considerably. "It's going to be hard sometimes, isn't it? Some of the things that have come between us run deep, no matter how much we wish it wasn't so."

"It's true. I don't want it to be true, but it is. I need some time, Gabrielle."

"I know. I'm not going to demand more of you than I've earned, Xena. You have the right to your honest feelings about things." The bard took a deep breath and let the midday sun stream down on her face. "I do want to know one thing, though. These past couple days in Pelasghia I was so scared that this would be the time you wouldn't come back for me. But no matter what's happened, or how bad it's been, you always ride back for me. Every time. Why? Why is it I know for a fact you'll always be back?"

"You really want the truth?"

"Yes."

Xena sighed. "Because regardless of what I do or don't feel about the situation at any moment, I cannot picture for one instant my life without you in it."

Gabrielle regathered her friend up into her arms and held tightly. She knew the burden such an admission carried. Xena had effectively tossed away the only hedge she had against any future betrayals by Gabrielle, the threat of their separation. Gabrielle did not take that responsibility lightly.

"Will you let me take a look at your injuries now? I know you haven't had time to treat them properly."

"Not yet, Gabrielle." Xena reached up to brush a few strands of golden hair out of Gabrielle's face, but mere moments after that the warrior was fast asleep, resting easy in her best friend's arms.

Later in the day Xena and Gabrielle limped back to Pelasghia, where word of the prior night's events had spread like wildfire. Shocked eyes took in both the warrior and the bard as they walked Argo down the central square past the merchants and the townsfolk. The remaining members of the town watch regarded Gabrielle warily and fled outright when Xena's icy glare bore down on them. They returned to Melesigines's house. The old man was overjoyed to see that Gabrielle was safe, but before he could ask too many questions the exhausted women retreated to the room Gabrielle had rented.

Not long afterwards they heard a knock. "Come in," Gabrielle called. Melesigines opened the door to find Xena sprawled face down on the bed as Gabrielle tended the stab wound in the warrior's back. "Did you hear news?" she asked, seeing the excitement on the old man's face.

"Your friend – that's Xena! And she's ended the scourge of Malodion! I thought it was impossible. The whole village is talking about it. Some of the girls have already sent word that they're coming back to their families."

"Melesigines, I hope it's all right for me to ask this, but…is your granddaughter one of the rescued girls? Is she going to make it home?"

The man's face fell. "Well, no, you see." He looked away from his guests and wrung his hands. "She – she wasn't taken by Malodion. She ran away one evening when she got too spirited for her own good. She never came home after that. We heard from some kin in the next village down the valley that she'd been seen, and that she wasn't harmed. But she's fallen in with this group, this strange worship group. I don't think she has any intentions of coming home." Melesigines shifted his eyes back and forth, then whispered to his guests, "From what I've heard, this group might be even worse than Malodion, in its way."

"I don't understand," Gabrielle replied, frowning, as she put down the sponge she was using to salve her friend's injury. "How could a worship group be worse?"

"They worship something evil," the old man rasped, trembling. "A terrible evil. Unlike anything else the world has known."

Xena lifted her head and looked sidelong at Melesigines. "Does this evil have a name?"

"I don't know."

Xena sighed and turned to Gabrielle. Appearing deeply troubled, their host excused himself and left them. "It sounds like we've got our next mission already. Tomorrow we need to set out and find this cult."

"Xena, don't we need to take a couple of days to rest up?"

"It doesn't sound like we can afford to. We'll travel a little slower at first, but the young people getting taken in by this cult might be just as lost as the ones Malodion took if we don't act fast."

"I understand that, but if there's real trouble to be found we're going to need to be at full strength. You may recover faster than anyone's got a right to, Xena, but I don't. I paid a price to defend myself and I'm going to be feeling it for a while."

"I suppose I could ride ahead and check it out on my own."

"Don't even say it, Xena. Don't think it. Wherever you're going I'll be right there with you." It was then Gabrielle saw that her friend had a teasing smirk on her face. "Oh, you're terrible. Quit squirming back to grin at me and lay down. I'm not done with this."

"All right, all right. Far be it from me to interrupt the healer. Which reminds me, you still have some more stitches due."

"Don't remind me." The pair was silent for a time as Gabrielle finished cleaning and debriding the stab wound. "Xena, if this group or cult or whatever they are do end up being tough, I'll be ready for it. I can do whatever I have to do, as long as I'm with you. Maybe someday I'll have as much courage as you do."

"Gabrielle, you already do."

"No, I don't. Not in the ways that really count."

The warrior sighed and gazed straight ahead as her friend traced fingertips along her spine. "It takes time, Gabrielle. It takes realizing which things you're absolutely not willing to lose. Then you have courage to defend those. Everything else follows."

"If you've lost nearly everything, then I guess what you have left is where you have to draw the line." Gabrielle folded Xena's hand into her own.

"Zeus knows I wish it hadn't come to that, but you might be right."

As Gabrielle rode away from Pelasghia, perched on Argo right behind Xena, the sun was rising behind them. She did not look back. They had a new job to do, and Gabrielle put all of her mental energy towards focus, as Xena had taught her. However, the target of her focus was not their mission but her own personal one. _Xena, I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I will win back your trust. When I do, we'll both know, because it will just be there, never acknowledged, never spoken of, but completely certain, like it used to be before Brittania and Chin and Illusia. I don't know what I have to give that can ever equal what was taken away from you. I've got no choice but to give everything I have, and hope that it's enough. If that's what it takes, I'm willing._ Gabrielle leaned into her friend and held on tight as the warrior nudged Argo from a canter to a gallop. They were ready to face the road ahead together.


End file.
